.
it's hard to grapple with that things move on and it continues to when you want to stay stock still. to fade away when everything rushes past. everything is relentless, everything is in motion and you crawl because it's the only thing to do. you don't want to crawl but you can't walk. but you can't lie down. to arrive at complete stillness means you have to do something that, deny it as you may, terrifies you. and everything moves as it always will. it feels hopeless when it's relentless. I want to sleep for eternity. there's just. maybe it's my fault for making my life as empty as it can possibly be.